In the last years, opposing the liberalization of prostitution -specifically opposing men’s demand-became somehow the synonym of being a sex-negative, right wing moron. Right.
Arguments from activists concerned about the safety of women in prostitution
You may know the French government has proposed to follow the Nordic Model in 2013, but that the Senate suppressed the fine foreseen for Johns making the law toothless. In this heated debate, some are genuinely concerned about women prostitutes, some are just utilizing them as a shield to promote their access to commercial sex.
Men who buy sex without should be held accountable, in a market which is demand-driven.
I want to quickly debug some myth regarding women of prostitution/ criminalization of clients. Some argue that adopting the Nordic model will increase violence against disenfranchised prostituted women. That we should tackle poverty instead; or most surprisingly, that we should not do anything about that since it does not impact on our lives.
- According to Swedish and Norwegian official reports, criminalization of clients did not result in increased violence against women prostitutes.
- Poverty is a condition, not the cause of exploitation and trafficking. Most people in great poverty refuse sexual exploitation. The traffickers use coercion and manipulation (false job promises, nanny, waitress, dating agencies …). In the cases where women arrive knowing that they will work as prostitute, they are lied to when it comes to the conditions of their sexual exploitation.
- The prostitution will not go underground: in Sweden, street prostitution has decreased while prostitution on internet increased, but in the same proportions as in Norway and Denmark (we mean here Norway before the Nordic Model who introduced in on Jan. 1st 2009. Also, keep in mind that the DK and Norway 2 times fewer inhabitants!). Besides, we still have our Red Light Districts in Malmö, Stockholm and Gothenburg. They have not been razed by the police, and buyers are still there.
- The social perception of prostitution directly contributes to shaping society and investment policies. And as a direct consequence, less options are offered to women to exit of prostitution, and men are more incline to abuse prostitutes and non-prostitutes women. Yep, men who “use” prostituted women are 7 times more likely to admit they would rape if not caught -the power of habit, maybe?
Bullshit arguments from men concerned about their right to commercial sex
We also hear self-proclaimed “sex-positive” men, who claim that access to prostitution is a Human Right (for them). The “free choice” and “consent” of the women they utilize to satisfy their “needs” are used as a shield, and questioning the circumstances in which this choice equates being puritanical, right-wingish and oppressive. Their attempts to establish their legitimacy and entitlement would be ludicrous if they were not have a dramatic impact on real women.
Why we should stop analyzing HER choice
As in domestic violence or professional career, we question the female choice, granting complete invisibility to the men as a class and beholder of economical power.
“He hits you? Leave”- no one asks the man why he’s violent.
“Women make the choice to get out of the workforce and raise children” – and no one questions fathers lack of investment in children upbringing.
“He’s a lazy ass and never helps you with domestic chores? Why choosing him as life partner(/as father for your kid)? “- and we ignore girls upbringing as caregiver.
Why we should start questioning HIS choice
At the political level, questioning women choice in prostitution gets our focus away from men, as in all the issues listed above. Men make the actual choice to put their money into female’s bodies. The gendered aspect of prostitution is not “diverse”-We have 98% of men customer who purchases 95% of women (+ transsexual). So how men justify using women in prostitution? Here are the 10 common arguments we often hear.
“A man has his needs.”
Man, you’re right. A man has his needs: eating, sleeping, having a home and safety. The so-called physical sexual need that would not resist two consecutive handjobs. If you still feel some kind of testicular pressure, you could use bromide. This is probably what the other men (=the ones who don’t pay for female bodies) do.
“I want mostly talk and nice company.”
Blatant lie. As says this anonymous woman on her clients: they pay, they wants their shag.
If the need for company is so imperious, why not volunteering for under staffed charity organizations? For example, food distribution for homeless people, or in a kennel? We meet wonderful, generous and warm people (my colleague met his wife when they were both volunteers!)
“She’s a debt-ridden student, I help her achieving her dreams!”
I am absolutely delighted to hear this highly altruistic argument! So there are generous donors who believe so strongly in human beings out there? And want to help them realize their dreams?
Do it. Invest in a person, you can even get a shares of her future revenues. Without exploiting her sexually in return.
“I pay her, it’s fair.”
If you paid 1.a free person independent from a pimp, 2.having chosen prostitution without economical pressure, 3.having no need for your money, and 4. who would charge you according to her own mood or desire, you would pay way more than you can actually afford.
This deal is not fair. And not justifiable.
“I just want to get laid without any emotional investment.”
Wow! You don’t have a problem! There are thousands, millions of women who just want to get laid -no strings attached. They are all over the internet, or maybe a friend’s friend? Just reach out.
“My wife does not want to have sex.”
If your wife turns you down occasionally, it does not give you the right to buy you another human being. Discuss other alternatives. Maybe she’s dying to try an open relationship. Maybe she needs more help in house-chores to get back the forgotten lust for sex. And if your wife does not want you permanently, buying sex from another human being will not fix your relationship.
“My wife does not want to do it like in porn.”
Women (prostitute women, GFs or wives) are not pieces of meat for brutal sex you look on the internet. Stop watching porn which destroys your empathy, your natural libido and conditions you to desire the same ready-made violent fantasies than millions numbed masses.
Argument # 8!
“She has no qualifications, and I give her work”
If you think you “allow” women prostitutes to work and make money, you should check that seriously inflamed ego of yours. Imagine that the only thing a woman can do for a living is oral sex is seriously misogynistic. And stupid.
Argument # 9!
If you want a relationship with a woman, you won’t get it by paying for a soulless encounter. We can not respond to one injustice by another, and turn another human body into a commodity to meet a “need” that is more a life luxury (see Argument 2)
Saving the best for last! Argument # 10!
“Prostitution is above all a pleasure and an opportunity to explore her sexuality for a women. I teach her!”
No, I did not made it up. According to Patrick Pharo, research director at the French National Center for Scientific Research (CNRS), prostitution is “about fun and the chande for a woman to enjoy and play with her body – that’s what we see in contemporary movies such as Magic Mike or Young and Beautiful “
Magic Patrick, it’s not because you saw something on TV that it’s true. Prostitution is a market. Even if you deliberately deluded yourself to believe that your experience is… valuable. Sorry, it might come like a shock, but women do not want your …input.